


next to you

by orphan_account



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Denial of Feelings, Feelings Realization, M/M, chan and minho are kinda just mentioned sorry, i'm going down with this ship, loosely based off the song, pay more attention to hyunlix please thank you, so uh i thought of this while listening to nxt 2 u by 3racha, woojin has a small part
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-23
Updated: 2018-09-01
Packaged: 2019-05-16 19:03:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 13,546
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14817104
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: felix’s stuck pining wordlessly whilst hiding his feelings from hyunjin, his best friend and the person he holds romantic feelings towards. meanwhile, hyunjin’s stuck in the same cycle of relationships he just can’t seem to break out of.an argument between the two brings a sudden change in their friendship, but for the better or worse?





	1. i want you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me: i need to work on my hmwk  
> also me: hyunlix is adorable and i need to write this because they have less than 60 fics under their ship name smh

“... and that’s how I dumped his ass!”

“Hyunjin, this is the fourth person you’ve dated this year. We’re not even halfway through the year!” Felix sighed exasperatedly.

“I know, I know! I’m trying my best to keep them, but I just can’t find who I’m looking for? Y’know? ” Hyunjin peered sheepishly into the camera, seemingly guilty of his actions (not).

“Then what are you looking for?”

“Someone who'll actually love me? It’s just―nevermind, you don’t understand. You’ve never dealt with this…. Anyway, I’ll see you tomorrow. It’s getting late.” Hyunjin waved through the screen and ended their video call without so much of a peep and goodbye wave from Felix.

Felix stared at the blank screen in his hand incredulously.

_He didn’t understand? He’s never dealt with this? He knew the lingering feeling of longing so well, it was ingrained in his head and everyday life._

His phone screen lit up, momentarily breaking him from his thoughts.

**world’s prettiest boy (1:36 A.M.)**

I’ll tell you more at school tmr !!

good night <3

Felix smiled wryly as he typed “gn” back and pressed the send key. He plugged his phone into the charger after finding the adapter in the depths of his school bag. Throwing the fluffy blanket over himself, the boy flopped on his side and stared at the blank wall, long and hard. He had spent countless nights boring holes into the plain, white wall, contemplating how long he would carry on with his life before confessing to Hyunjin and how painful the rejection would be and what their friendship would be like after he did confess―if he did at all.

Watching Hyunjin leave for dates, listening to Hyunjin rant about his dates, comforting Hyunjin when those dates went awry; it all hurt terribly. And it didn’t help when Hyunjin constantly searched for the label “in a relationship”. As much as he knew that he should be actively trying to get over Hyunjin, he―he couldn’t.

He was in too deep, and he had known from the start, when he talked to Hyunjin on the day he was going to a Korean school, having moved from Australia two weeks prior.

_The first day of school. To say Felix was nervous was a colossal understatement. His hands were trembling, his heart was racing, his head was pounding; he was absolutely terrified. He breathed in, then out, and prepared himself mentally. In a sudden bout of determination and confidence, Felix strode through the double doors of the school into an empty hallway lined with red small lockers._

_Felix was ordered by Chan, his cousin, to go to school early and explore the campus a bit. Felix didn’t really account for the fact that well―his korean kinda sucked and so did his social skills._

_“Hey!” a boy called, motioning for Felix to come closer._

_“Hello… ?” Felix said hesitantly, careful about his pronunciation, as he trudged towards the boy in uniform._

_“I’m Hyunjin, the freshmen student council officer. You’re Felix, right?”_

_Felix could only nod to answer Hyunjin’s question._

_“Great! I was waiting here to show you around the campus but that can wait. Why don’t we just try and get to know each other?”_

_“I―uh, sure!” There went the plan of exploring the school._

_Hyunjin grinned, head tilted to the side, smile lopsided. “Great!”_

_It was that moment when Felix figured he was gonna fall in deep._

_They settled on playing twenty questions in their empty first period classroom because why break the stereotypical teenager norms? He learned the small details that just seemed so―so Hyunjin when he thought about it in present day. Hyunjin talked about how he would happily shove his soul into the devil’s arms if it meant attending a GOT7 concert, how much cared for Kkami like he would for his own child (he did, in fact, call Kkami his baby), how he loathed chemistry and maths, and how he wanted to be an interior designer._

_Exchanging detail after detail, not minding Felix’s crappy Korean skills nor the fact that they had definitely gone over twenty questions, they were startled when the bell rang. When chattering students filed into the space unorderly, it hit Felix like a truck. The introduction. He had to introduce himself to the class, and he could barely spit out two sentences in Korean._

_The teacher waved him to the front, not noticing or pretending not to notice his panicked state of being. It was probably the latter, Mrs. Ho was the incarnate of Satan himself. But in a female form of a fifty-eight-year-old cranky, wrinkly math teacher. Wait―what was Satan’s gender? Nevermind that, Felix had worse things to worry about, like that introduction he would be saying in a few seconds._

_He dragged his legs behind him, it felt like he was moving hundred pound weights with his legs. He breathed in and out and once more._

_“H-Hi. I’m Felix and it’s―um―it’s really nice to be here! I’m from Australia so I don’t know Korean that well…” He had forgotten the last part of the introduction he had rehearsed for weeks before school. Felix wanted to punch his brains out but seconds were ticking, students were waiting, and the teacher was staring at him expectantly. He looked down, reprimanding himself for not remembering the silly sentence._

_Hyunjin jumped out of his seat and finished it off for him, “...and he would like it if we took care of him!” The class applauded―Felix wasn’t quite sure if the applause was for him or for Hyunjin―and then the teacher made them settle down. He settled for throwing Hyunjin a grateful look, a half-smile. Mrs. Ho hurdled straight into the lesson, after the noise died down unbothered by Felix’s confused stare as she started the chapter._

_Felix stared at the clock, willing the minute hand to spin faster. It didn’t, of course._

_A couple of minutes into the lesson, Mrs. Ho noticed his idleness. She called him out, of course._

_“Felix?” She pronounced it weirdly, swallowing the end of the name, “You’re not going to take notes?”_

_He felt nervous, everyone's eyes were piercing him when Mrs. Ho shifted her attention onto him. “I would, teacher, but I don’t have a textbook or a notebook.”_

_She opened her mouth, but before she could reprimand him, Hyunjin stepped in. “My apologies, Mrs. Ho. I didn’t bring to the library to check out his textbooks even though it was my responsibility. It’s not his fault.”_

_As students watched the drama unfold before them, Mrs. Ho clearly didn’t think Felix was worth her time. So quickly sent him away: “It’s… alright. You could show him now, since he’s clearly not invested in the content either.” A few kids rolled their eyes, used to their teacher’s irritating comments. Hyunjin stood up, motioning for Felix to do the same._

_Felix snatched his empty backpack and followed Hyunjin, treading carefully. He apologized to Mrs. Ho, but she didn’t hear him or pretended not to. Probably the latter, again. Once they were out of the demon’s lair, Hyunjin apologized profusely._

_“Bro, I didn’t mean to get you caught in that situation. Mrs. Ho can be such a bitch.” Hyunjin smiled apologetically, eye smile and all._

_Felix grinned back―though it probably came out as a grimace. “It’s fine.”_

_They continued their journey to the library by picking up the game that had been interrupted by the bell before class until they reached their destination: the library . Hyunjin asked for Felix’s schedule, which he fumbled to give over. It was as if he were passing the hot potato, quickly and awkwardly because Felix was never smooth._

_Hyunjin strode over to the library assistant and requested the books listed on the paper. Felix trailing behind him. If Hyunjin flirted a bit with the girl, Felix paid no attention. He was too distracted by everything in his head that he didn’t notice Hyunjin was done and waiting for Felix to follow him back to the classroom. The girl spared Felix a glance before returning her attention to the computer, as if Felix weren’t worth her attention._

_He had more pressing issues than the way the girl interacted with Hyunjin, so it passed over. Little did he know this event foretold the rest of Hyunjin’s lifestyle… like the way he flirted with anything that had two legs._

_The maths class passed but Hyunjin remained, informing Felix of his wish to meet the Australian boy after his fourth period. Felix quickly agreed, Hyunjin saved his ass twice and he seemed nice enough. More than nice enough._

_Felix glossed over the next classes, having given up on paying attention in class because of his inability to understand anything the teachers were spitting out. He knew he should’ve studied Korean more before moving, but he had figured he would be fine. Felix was, in fact, not fine. No one in the other classes seemed bothered by Felix. Meaning, no one approached him, but he wasn’t getting bullied either. The only one that blipped his radar was a boy named Seungmin, who was kind enough to let Felix take a picture of his biology notes. But no one struck him like Hyunjin had when he first walked into the school._

_Felix blended seamlessly within Hyunjin’s group of friends. Turned out, Hyunjin was the freshman class president, so it only made sense that he would be given the duty of showing Felix around the campus. When lunchtime struck and all the student were on their merry way to a taste of freedom before resuming classes, Hyunjin acquainted Felix with his friends. Jisung was loud and excitable, but also somewhat philosophical in his own teenage way. Seungmin was cute but aggressive, poking and teasing everybody. Changbin, who Felix had met earlier when moving into the new house, was a year older than them. He was an aspiring rapper and had the whole grunge emo aesthetic going on. Hyunjin was… Hyunjin. He was flirty yet caring, loud yet passive, cheerful yet serious._

_Yeah, Felix had fallen and he couldn’t get up._

  


-  


 

“LEE FELIX! GET UP! IT’S ALMOST TIME FOR THE BUS TO COME!”

Awoken by the holler of his mom, he flinched and fell out of his bed. As he clambered out of bed, he was met with the sight of his mom standing at his doorway, both hands on her hips.

Her perfectly drawn eyebrows arched carefully, left a bit higher than right, she made _that_ face. The face that channeled all her disappointment in her arched eyebrows and downturned corners of her lips. Felix quickly scurried out of his room, not before hugging his mom though. Her expression morphed into one of worry as she reached out his hand to touch his forehead.

“Kinda hot. Are you sick?”

“I’m okay, mom.” Felix brushed her hand of gently and pushed her to the door so she could go to work. Her face formed tight lines of discomfort but she hurried off anyway, handing him his packed lunch. He thanked her.

Felix went through his normal school routine in double speed. Rushing to wear his uniform, he opted to throw his tie around his neck. He grabbed a piece of burnt toast (he left in the toaster for too long), snatched his phone off the counter, and headed out the door. Scrolling through his texts on the way to the bus stop, he realized two things. One: the bus was long gone. Two: there was a bike stopping near him and a faint shout of “get in loser, we’re going to school!” He could recognize that voice anywhere. Turning his head quickly―so quickly that he could swear he almost got whiplash―his eyes widened in surprise.

“Hyunjin? I thought you had to go to school early?” The said boy tossed Felix a boyish grin and pointed to the front of his bike, motioning for the boy to hop on. It was probably illegal, two people on a one-person bike, but they did rode around like that all the time at the park nearby. Felix wasn’t about to pass up this chance either.

As he wiggled around to find a comfortable position, Hyunjin replied, “Yeah, but I saw your bus without you on it unload at the entrance of school. I figured you would oversleep, we were up for a long time anyways.”  

Felix nodded and let winds comfortable wrap themselves around the pair. Silence filled the air as the two let their thoughts wander elsewhere.

They arrived at school ten minutes later. Felix bid Hyunjin a goodbye and walked off to class. He hadn’t forgotten about Hyunjin promising to tell him about the recent breakup, so he was distracted for most of his classes. Felix broke out of his dazed stupor when the lunch bell buzzed.

It became a tradition to gather in the student council room during lunch time after Hyunjin had been elected president and Seungmin, vice president. The gang expanded their circle to a junior student council officer named Jeongin. Jeongin was a double edged sword, a blessing and a curse. He threw out insults like he was giving candy to little boys for Halloween, but he searched for affection all the same. Although Changbin graduated, he was still consider a part of the gang. They gathered at Dunkin’ Donuts every Saturday morning to keep the line of communication established, the exception extending to Hyunjin, Seungmin, and Jeongin whenever they were busy with school stuff. The rest of them (Jisung and himself) had no interest in displaying their school pride so they hung out with Changbin every week.

“Yo, prez!” Jisung held up a hand as he greeted Hyunjin. Hyunjin poked his head out of his stack of papers and waved back before sticking his nose back in some club files.

Felix trailed behind Jisung before settling on a cozy chair, rolling his way over to Hyunjin. Seungmin and Jeongin strolled in shortly after, carrying cafeteria food no one ever fathomed to eat, and more paperwork. While the three conversed, Felix privately asked about boyfriend number nth.

“Oh, yeah,” Hyunjin answered, turning to face Felix and brushing his bangs out of his line of sight (Felix could swear his heart missed a beat), “So basically I went over to his house to give him his schoolwork because he told me he was sick, right? But the door was unlocked when I arrived, so I walked in and whaddya know! My boyfriend sucking the life out of some girl on the couch!”

Hyunjin paused to look at Felix. Felix didn’t know whether it’s for the effect of the storytelling or if he was studying Felix’s reaction.

The exasperated boy continued, “He freaked the fuck out and told me it wasn’t what it looked like. But it was _obviously_ what it looked like. He was cheating on me. The girl didn’t really seem bothered by the whole thing. I still have his notes from that day and that image embedded permanently in my head. I guess he wasn’t The One.”

Yesterday, Felix would’ve been comforting Hyunjin and pushing his romantic feelings for his best friend off the face of planet Earth. However, he was fed up about hearing of “The One”. “The One” Hyunjin was searching for since when? Ninth grade? Tenth? Felix had lost count already. There was only so much he could take before he breaking down and telling Hyunjin about his infatuation for him.

“If you mention The One again, I’m gonna throw myself out this window,” he muttered as he faced the window. When Felix turned to look at Hyunjin, the boy had magically migrated to the other side of the room with his lunch, discussing other matters with Seungmin and Jeongin.

Jisung noticed his loneliness and dragged a chair towards him. The horrible screeching of the chair against the tile floor resonated in his ears. Jisung settled down, and then he proceeded to talk Felix’s ear off. Felix let Jisung’s voice drown into the background as he laid his head on Jisung’s shoulder, an indicator that he wasn’t listening.

“Hey, you good? This pining thing really needs to come to an end, you know.” Jisung glanced down, his concerned expression imprinted on his face.

Felix scoffed and hit Jisung’s arm playfully. “Like you’re one to talk. Who exactly was pining over Minho for a year before working up the courage to approach him, only to trip over air into Minho’s arms?”

Jisung scowled and shifted his shoulder, making Felix almost fall off his chair. “Hey, now we’re dating. Can’t say the same for you.”

If Felix had enough energy, he probably would’ve made an attempt to shove Jisung out the open space below, but he had none. He had spent it all thinking about Hyunjin the night before. _Pathetic._

“You’re so annoying,” he chose to grumble back. Not the greatest comeback in the book. Jisung grinned and tousled Felix’s platinum hair.

“Only this year left ‘til we graduate. Better tell him soon.”

Felix glanced over to Hyunjin, watching him and Seungmin tease Jeongin.The two boys were laughing at the younger, who was cutely sulking while shoving rice into his mouth. Hyunjin had his head tilted back and his mouth open, almost choking because he was laughing too hard.

 _Ethereal_.

“Yeah, I know.”  


 

-  


 

Days passed. Like always, Hyunjin stopped sulking about his lost lover. His ex-boyfriend had disappeared from their conversations after that day. The same routine had started up again. Date. Stop. Sulk. Wait. Now that the ‘sulk’ period was over, Felix predicted Hyunjin would pick up another date soon.

One night, the boys were all collectively in a group call―sans Jeongin―discussing a chemistry project. They were subjected to a group of three but the never-ending excuse of Felix’s “need to have a translator” extended the limit to four. Of course, they got distracted right away.

“It’s been like… centuries since I’ve been on a date!” complained Hyunjin. He pouted while waving a pen around.

“Be still, my beating heart,” Felix muttered quietly, clutching his chest.

“Did you say something, Felix?” Seungmin questioned, eyebrows raised as he looked up from the paper he was writing.

“Bean sprouts might be healthy?”

“We’re talking about calorimetry and enthalpy though…” Seungmin let his voice trail off as he disappeared off the screen to retrieve a pen from his book bag.

“Don’t mind me! So―uh―what’s the plan?”

The moment Seungmin seriously started discussing the plan for the project and their parts, Felix felt himself starting to become drowsy. It wasn’t that Seungmin was boring, but his voice was soothing and chemistry was tedious…

“Felix?! FELIX!”

“Ah?!” He toppled onto the ground surprised, phone in hand.

“Wha―”

“Dude, you’ve been asleep the whole time we’ve been discussing?” asked Jisung.

“Hey, let him off. It’s two A.M., who wouldn’t be asleep?” Hyunjin defended, staring into the screen with a worried look.

 _Me last night_ , thought Felix.

“Ah, I’m so sorry guys. I―I just haven’t been feeling well. I’m so sorry―”

Seungmin cut him off abruptly. “Stop apologizing. You go get some sleep and maybe take a day off, you seem unwell.”

“But... the project―”

Seungmin shot him a warning look. “No. Take the day off, you need it.”

“The mom jumped out,” whispered Jisung.

The four giggled quietly. Hyunjin suggested to end the call to let Felix rest after they had caught Felix up on all the details and his role in the assignment. The others quickly agreed, and Felix was left staring at a blank screen.

_Take a day off, huh? That sounds nice._

If only his mind could take a day off Hyunjin.  


 

-

 

 

_Ring. Ring. Riiiiiiiing._

“Ah?” Felix grabbed for his phone but realized he had slept with it. Which meant he had forgotten to charge it. Which meant it was very close to being dead.

He fumbled with his phone in a hurry to plug it into the charger.

“Phew, that was close. Only nine percent left.”

“... Wait what?”

He tapped the home button. Messages from Jisung poured in like a rainfall, occasionally ones from Seungmin, a few from his mom and Jeongin, and one from Hyunjin.

Just then, he noticed the time.

“Four fifty-seven?! Shit!” His mind panicked but his body couldn’t care less. Instead of panicking, he dragged himself back in bed, kicking at the blanket to achieve full fluffiness before snuggling in.

His mom told him to take care of himself and to make himself some food with the stuff she left him on the kitchen counter. _Heart, heart, heart._ He grinned at the way his mom expressed her affection for him. He sent her back a few blue hearts.

Seungmin texted him to explain his part and a short get well message, attaching the homework in classes they shared. He also had a habit of sending lots of emojis so Felix stared at the yellow sparkles and stars that decorated his phone screen momentarily before switching to a different conversation. He replied with a “thank youuuuu” and some stars too, to keep Seungmin entertained.

Jeongin told him to be safe and get well soon. The boy simply wasn’t a good conversation holder as he rarely responded. Their conversations were filled with “I’m tired” and “I’m dead” and “Hi, you’re talking to my ghost because I’m dead inside” and an occasional meme. So, obviously, Felix responded with “Mr. Jeongin, I don’t feel so good.”

The way Jisung typed was through short messages and _lots_ of them. He wrote phrases and then made tons of typos and then sent texts to correct those typos. Basically, Jisung didn’t write a lot but it seemed like he did when Felix scrolled through their conversation. He scowled at the way Jisung greeted him (‘g’day bitchass dog’ with a picture of himself from freshman year when he had brown floppy bangs and constantly had to brush them to the side) but grinned at Jisung’s updates of how his day went. His grin slowly turned upside down as he went through the texts.

**hamster cheeks (4:39 P.M.)**

**[...]**

HOLY SHIT

FELIC

FLEX

FELIXKSOFKDFOKF

OMG SEINGIKM

SEUNGMIN*

HE FUCKING CONFESSED OT HYUNJIN WTFFFF

BITCH

BITCH ASS DOG

GET YOUR ASS OHWIJO

UP*

PKHEPRKOSNOVM

damn you’re really dead aren’t you

bruh hyunjin said yes OMG

AOJFOWPMPMG

seungminnie looked really shocked but he’s blushing

Uh oOps thEy’rE kiNdA cUte

HHAHAahahAHAH

jeongin just dropped his lunch oop

OOF they’re talking about some things i can’t hear

SEUNGMINNIE LEFT ON THE BUS HOLDING HANDS WITH HYUNJIN I THOUGHT HYUNJIN RODE HIS BOKE TO SCHOOL

BIKE*

oh nvm he came out lol

WAIT THAT SOUNDED WRONG LMFAO

i mean,,, like he came out of the school bus

he said he was coming for you

like roast you or take care of you idk

oh and yeah hope you’re ok bro lol

**bitch ass dog (5:05 P.M.)**

jeongin didn’t eat his lunch ??

**hamster cheeks (5:06 P.M.)**

...that’s all you got out of it ??

BRUH SEUNGMINNIE UPPED AND STOLE UR MANS

well i mean not ur mans ig but whatever

this time hyunjin got confessed to by someone he knows personaooy

personally*

it could be different this time yk

And they’re already the talk of the scgopl

school*

everynoe ships them

everyone*

cos they’re both in the student council

homophobia is dead

**bitch ass dog (5:08 P.M.)**

its okay i’m never gonna,,, be with him anyway

seungmin is perfect for him

they’re like The Ideal Couple

both in student council, both do sports, both are smart,,, etc

WAIT

SHIT HYUNJIN’S COMING ????

WTF

Deciding not to wait for Jisung’s reply, he checked Hyunjin’s text.

**world’s prettiest boy (4:59 P.M.)**

im coming over, p sure jisung already told u

**felix felicis (5:10 P.M.)**

IMF INE

DONT COME OVER

ALL IS GOOD

ALL IS GREAT

GO BACK HOME

**world’s prettiest boy (5:10 P.M.)**

too late

already here

open up

Sighing defeatedly, Felix wrapped his blanket around his shoulders and slipped his feet into his slippers. He shuffled over to the door before Hyunjin got impatient.

“Felix! You look terrible!” Hyunjin set down a few grocery bags and a stack of papers―Felix’s homework―on the kitchen counter, beside the food his mother had prepared for him earlier that was probably cold by now.

“Gee, great way to greet your sick best friend.” Felix shut the door, locked it, and wandered over to Hyunjin’s side. Hyunjin grinned lopsidedly.

He observed Hyunjin taking out various food items before relaxing on the couch in the living room. At a comfortable distance of course, so he could make sure Hyunjin didn’t burn down the house.

As if Hyunjin could feel Felix’s eyes watching him, he quickly cleared up all misconceptions that Felix had. “I’m _definitely_ not cooking. I’m just making some instant soup and adding veggies in the mix.”

Felix sighed in relief, loudly enough for Hyunjin to scowl at him jokingly. They were both aware of just how messy Hyunjin could be in a kitchen. Felix let his mind wander back to the time Hyunjin tried to make a vanilla ice cream cake for Jeongin’s birthday at Seungmin’s house. His best friend had managed to destroy two pots, annihilate the measuring cups, deface the cooking utensils, and mutilate the oven.

 _“I’ll never lay a pinky on_ **_any_ ** _part of a kitchen ever again,” mumbled Hyunjin as he desperately scrubbed the oven clean._

_Felix scoffed as he washed the pot, “I sure hope you never go near a kitchen again. Seungmin’s parents are gonna be so furious.”_

_“Not if we clean fast enough.”_

_Seungmin had been out of the house when everything had exploded. They two boys speedily cleaned the kitchen, in fear of the look on Seungmin’s face when he would be greeted by the catastrophe, although some materials were irreplaceable._

_“You go call Seungmin and tell him we need… everything you decimated.” Felix shoved the phone into Hyunjin’s outstretched hand._

_“Seungminnie?” Hyunjin trilled sweetly, “Well we got a tiny problem…”_

_Felix blanked out after that, only remembering the terrifying countenance of Seungmin on that cursed day. They were banned (even though it was only Hyunjin’s fault) from his kitchen and were forced to buy a cake from the store because they couldn’t―direct quote from Seungmin―”take care of themselves for two seconds without fucking anything up.”_

“Felix? Felix!”

“Wha―yeah―I’m―ah?” Felix tiredly blinked the sleepiness out of his eyes.

“You looked kinda out of it… like dazed or something. Maybe you should skip another school day. You don’t seem well.” Hyunjin laid the soup he was cradling in his arms onto the table in front of the couch.

“I’m fine… just thinking. I can’t afford to miss another day of school, I’m already behind.” Felix dipped the plastic spoon into the soup.

Hyunjin didn’t seem convinced, but he decided to not push the subject further. He already knew Felix disliked being treated “weaker” or “less knowledgeable” due to his inability to speak fluent Korean which caused others to look down on him. So the boy really couldn’t afford to get behind on his studies. “Just eat up, okay?”

“Thanks.” The two sat by each other, the room devoid of sound minus the small slurping noises Felix was making.

“Felix,” started Hyunjin, “Seungminnie asked me out. I accepted.”

Felix twisted his body to face Hyunjin, nearly empty soup bowl in hand. “And…?”

“I think―I think I can settle down now. Like he might be The One? I just have a feeling, and I don’t know what to do. I mean―maybe he’s not, but there’s a chance. A chance that he is. What do you think I should do?”

Felix didn’t waste a second to even ponder the question. He said his usual, encouraging words to Hyunjin: “Be a good boyfriend, of course. Seungmin only deserves the best.”

“What about me?” Hyunjin asked as he pouted.

“Eh, you’re whatever.”

“You suck. Anyway, I gotta go now. Walk me out the door?”

“You wish,” snorted Felix. He found himself standing up and escorting Hyunjin to the front anyway.

Felix always found himself attracted to Hyunjin, one pole drawn to another.  


 

-

 

 

Life simply went on the next day. It didn’t wait for Felix to prepare himself for the display of affection around him or squeeze the feelings out of himself in time. He may have avoided having lunch at the student council room to avoid Hyunjin and Seungmin by pretending he had to study in the library, but you didn’t hear it from him. It was easy to see through his white lie. He hadn’t set a foot in the library since the beginning of the school year, when his class had to go receive their textbooks. No one commented on his decision, too busy with their own eventful lives. Felix didn’t blame them. Jisung periodically texted to make sure he was alright.

He reassured Jisung that he was alright―that he could move on. But he couldn’t lie to himself. He really wasn’t alright.

A few days after The Confession Of The Century, their regular Saturday meeting took a unexpected turn. Hyunjin, Seungmin, and Jeongin were busy due to their part in the student council. They were preparing for the senior ball, which was happening in a few weeks. Jisung ditched, announcing his plans to surprise his boyfriend at the college dorm, watch movies, and cuddle the fuck out of him.

Felix just wanted to wrap himself in blankets and watch _One Piece_ in bed. He really wasn’t trying to be clingy, but Hyunjin was constantly brushing off their small meetups in favor of throwing himself into the relationship with Seungmin and school activities. Furthermore, Felix should’ve been glad, he was the one who instructed Hyunjin to be a good boyfriend for Seungmin. He couldn’t be acting like this, it wasn’t fair to anyone around him.

Felix swallowed his bitter feelings up, blinked the heartbreak out of his eyes, and beat the thought of Hyunjin out of his head.

That was how he found himself waiting for Changbin at Dunkin’ Donuts with his iced tea on Saturday morning. The ice was melting rather quickly, creating a water circle around the bottom of the cup. Just as he was slurping up the last drops of his drink, Changbin rushed in.

“I’m sorry I’m late! I didn’t plan to be late, but I got caught up in a few thing and just yeah―I’m sorry.” Changbin had his head down as he apologized.

Felix chuckled softly. “No biggie! Besides, I’m sure your new song will be great.”

“Thanks,” chirped Changbin, “Wait―how did you know I was working on a new song?”

“That’s all you do.” Felix waved over the waiter so they could order something off the menu.

“I came here to have a good time, and I’m honestly feeling so attacked right now,” Changbin said in one breath before the waiter arrived at their table. No wonder the man was a rapper.

“Oh! Hey guys.” Both boys turned to see Woojin. Changbin was friends with Woojin and Felix was well acquainted with the man, Woojin was the boyfriend of his cousin after all.

“Hey, Woojin,” they both chimed.

“I didn’t know you were working here, Woojin,” Felix said, motioning to Woojin’s work clothes.

Woojin smiled and answered, “Not usually this shift. I’m just covering for a coworker.”

“Oh, that’s… nice.” Felix replied stiltedly, finding it a bit awkward to be talking to Chan’s boyfriend without Chan next to him.

Changbin ordered for the both of them. Woojin through Changbin a look Felix couldn’t quite interpret and went on his merry way. Changbin rolled his eyes.

While the pair were waiting for their food to be delivered (the place was crowded in the morning due to college students seeking refuge in the morning before classes), Changbin broke through noisy silence. “Hey―I’ve been meaning to ask this for a while.”

“What’s up?” Felix could hear the nervousness seeping through the cracks of Changbin’s voice.

“I―well―look, I know that you like Hyunjin. I’ve known for a long time now. Regardless―I just couldn’’t just pass up my own feelings. I―um―well, I’ve been meaning to ask this for a while. Will you go on a date with me?”

Felix was a bit shocked but mostly surprised. Changbin? Liked him? It had never occurred to him that Changbin was interested in him that way. Sure, they had a good friendship and it was really easy to talk to the older boy, but his actions and words just never struck Felix that way. Had Felix been blind to others while thinking about Hyunjin?

Hyunjin was still on his mind, even after Felix had tried to convince himself to move on after Seungmin’s confession. Well, Hyunjin was always on his mind, had been since freshman year. Felix was still crushing on his best friend and suffering and pining and coping. But this was his chance. His chance to start anew, his chance to overcome heartbreak, his chance to eliminate Hyunjin from his head.

But he had spent countless hours, days, years pining over Hyunjin. His heart didn’t know anyone else. As cheesy as that sounded, his eyes didn’t bat at a single person besides his best friend. Felix liked the comfort of crushing on Hyunjin. He didn’t like the endless nights of yearning, but Hyunjin was his comfort. Hyunjin was _familiar_. He knew how to deal with his aching thoughts and moments of misery. He knew how to act around Hyunjin to not reveal his innermost feelings. He knew what to say to brush off moments where he slipped up.

Dating Changbin? That wasn’t the worst idea. Changbin was understanding and empathetic. He was willing to date Felix despite the knowledge of who Felix’s crush was. Although he was unsure of exactly _why_ Changbin liked him enough to ask him on a date, it took a great deal of courage to do so. Courage Felix lacked.

What Felix desperately wanted was to run away from confrontation by melting into a puddle on the tile floor of Dunkin’ Donuts.

Instead of melting into a puddle on the ground, he answered, “Okay, let’s go on a date.”


	2. to be by my side

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> buckle up guys and gals,,, get ready for a field trip of feelings, emotions, and pining !

Felix zoned out as Hyunjin yakked on about the movie he saw with Seungmin. “The movie was amazing! Really, _Black Panther_ is such a great movie. Like so great that I can’t even describe it in words? My favourite character is Shuri, she’s so badass. Her sense of humor is really―”

“I’m going on a date with Changbin on Sunday,” he interrupted.

“You’re… what?” Hyunjin glanced questioningly into the camera, as if Felix has just grown a third head.

“I said I’m going on a date with Changbin.”

“That’s, uh, nice. When did he, y’know, ask you?”

“Last Saturday, when you missed our meeting ‘cause of your student council stuff. And when Jisung went to go visit Minho.”

Felix let his mind wander off to what had happened after Felix accepted Changbin’s offer as Hyunjin contemplated silently.

“ _Wait, really?” Changbin blinked, tone incredulous._

_“Well, I don’t see why not. You’re a nice guy, Changbin. This could work out.”_

_“I didn’t really—wow—I didn’t think you would accept. Y’know, ‘cause you like Hyunjin?” Changbin raised his gaze from his napkin to Felix’s eyes, staring directly at him._

_The action made Felix turn his head, the guilt settling in his stomach from his decision. Was it okay to go on a date with Changbin? Even though he liked Hyunjin and Changbin was well aware of that?_

_“It’s been… years. I should move on, yeah?”_

_Changbin nodded in agreement, “Yeah.” The look on Felix’s face must have betrayed him as Changbin continued, “But can you?”_

_“I think so.”_

_Changbin hummed in response and drummed his fingers against the table. “So, how about the theme park that just recently opened? We could go on Sunday.”_

_“That sounds great,” he replied. The dread coiling in his stomach said otherwise._

Hyunjin’s mumbled protests roused him from his dazed stupor.

“I don’t think—well—maybe you shouldn’t go.” Hyunjin looked down at his table at his untouched homework. He busied himself with writing his name on the paper, waiting for Felix’s response.

“... Why not?”

“Maybe—I mean—were you interested in Changbin before? This is the first time you’re talking about him… romantically.”

A single flame of hope flickered in Felix’s heart. “So…?”

“Do you really wanna hurt Changbin like that? Like if you don’t end up liking him. Aren’t you wasting his time then?”

Reality dumped ice cold water on the flame of hope, extinguishing it. “Excuse me?”

Hyunjin panicked, “I didn’t mean it like that! What I was trying to say, uh, is that like—aren’t you leading him on?”

“What? Leading him on?”

“NO! ...Yes? I—I just—because you never said you liked Changbin—“

“So what? I have to tell you about everything I like now?” It wasn’t like he could even tell Hyunjin who he liked anyway.

“No! Just that I always tell you who my new partner is… and you didn’t tell me this? Aren’t we best friends?”

“What? I’m the bad guy now? ‘Cause I’m gonna go on a date with Changbin?”

Hyunjin waved his hands, trying to dismiss Felix’s words. “No! Listen—“

Felix fumed at the camera, “No, you listen! You always talk about your new dates, and I’m always happy for you! I congratulate you! And what do you do? Tell me that I’m leading Changbin on? You don’t know anything, Hyunjin! You don’t bother about me. You only care for yourself and—and your stupid dates!”

Hyunjin looked just as angry, grabbing his phone and making the image of himself on Felix’s screen shake. “ _I_ don’t know anything? Maybe that’s ‘cause you never tell me shit! I never said you were the bad guy, ok? I always ask you about your life and what you’ve been doing, and you’ve been deflecting my questions since a few weeks ago! Or even months! Maybe you need to look at things from another perspective because you think—you think the world revolves around you!”

“ _I_ think the world revolves around _me_ ? You’re the one who always chatters about yourself everytime we talk! And to me, it sounds like you’re making me out to be the bad guy! Just because I haven’t said anything about Changbin doesn’t mean I don’t like him! That’s so—so hypocritical of you! You’ve had so many boyfriends and girlfriends but _I’m_ the one leading people on?”

“I talk about myself ‘cause you never tell me about what you like or do or whatever—”

“‘Cause you always talk about your dates,” muttered Felix angrily.

“— and I’m not leading anyone on! You know that! I tell them I’m searching for ‘The One’—“

Felix was so very close to his boiling point and hearing about ‘The One’ just set him off: “All this crap about The One! I’m sick of hearing about you and—and your fucking obsession about finding your soulmate. You play around with these people’s hearts because you’re obsessed about finding love or whatever! I’m fucking sick of all your shit about The One.”

“That’s rich coming from the guy that told me that I could go to him for anything,” Hyunjin sneered, “Besides, I never asked for your fucking opinion about my love life. _Maybe_ you’re so upset about me and my stupid dates because you don’t get any!”

“I just got one! And you blew up in my face about me getting a fucking date. What the hell is your problem?”

“That you’ll hurt Changbin and his feelings? That you’ll lead him on? That you’ll leave him heartbroken?”

“This is my decision! And my date! Why’re you getting so involved, it's my life. Just—just don’t talk to me.”

“I’m your best friend, that’s why I’m involved in your life!” Hyunjin yelled indignantly.

“I meant my love life.” Felix rolled his eyes exasperatedly.

Hyunjin sighed. “Look, I just—“

“Fuck off. Don’t talk to me.”

“Fine!”

The call ended.

Fucking hypocrite. Him leading Changbin on? Hyunjin was the one who had over a dozen of girlfriends and boyfriends and then dumped them after thinking that they weren’t ‘The One’. And this bullcrap about The One was so fucking annoying. When was Hyunjin ever gonna settle down and get his life together? And here Hyunjin thought Felix was the heartbreaker.

Hyunjin had stuck his nose in Felix’s love life and for a minute Felix had thought that maybe—his crush liked him more, not just as a friend or best friend. But actually his crush was a brat and thought that the universe orbited around himself.

However—deep inside—Felix knew Hyunjin was one of the sweetest, most caring boys to ever touch their feet on the face of Earth. He knew that Hyunjin wasn’t a brat. He knew that Hyunjin was correct about a few things: Felix didn’t say much about who he liked, Felix didn’t open up easily (not even to friends), and Felix may very well be leading Changbin on. Thinking about it now, it wasn’t really fair to Changbin. The boy had went out of his way to confess and ask Felix on a date, and Felix had accepted despite having a crush on his best friend. He felt… deplorable.

That didn’t excuse Hyunjin’s other words though.

The whole ordeal made Felix feel unsettled. The two had never fought with this high of an intensity. Sure, they were at odds for some things, but it really was never that bad. However, both boys were stubborn so it took weeks for them to make up over those small disagreement. Felix predicted the tense silence would last a long time. The last time they fought about some homework assignment, Jisung was forced to be their messenger. Eventually Jisung became sick of it and forced them to resolve their issue by locking them into his bedroom and talking it out. But It wasn’t like that this time around. The issue felt way deeper than just a school project. Something was changing, but he didn’t know what it was.

 

-

 

Hyunjin was too proud to admit where he had went wrong. Considering everything he had unloaded in that heated conversation, more was definitely wrong than right. He really hadn’t meant to blow up in Felix’s face about Changbin―heck, he didn’t even know why he got so irritated when Felix said he was going on a date. The reason he had thrown at Felix was certainly hypocritical.

He had to admit that he dated impulsively. He just didn’t want to end up lonely. Not in an _oh his friends were all married and riding into the sunset on unicorns while he was sitting on the couch crying over One Piece for the nth time_ , but Hyunjin didn’t want the people around him to up and leave. Which was ironic, appraising the situation. He had just blown up in his best friend’s face about some stupid date, and now Felix wanted Hyunjin to leave him alone.

Looking back, he supposed the dating was to always have someone by his side...

… which was weird. His friends, his family—people were all around him. So, why did he still feel lonely and empty? It was especially odd considering how he dated random strangers and switched it up this time to a long-time companion. Yet, Hyunjin didn’t feel an much attraction towards Seungmin, which was hypocritical considering the fight he just had with Felix. The argument with Felix had really opened his eyes, not like the other times when the Australian boy had lightly criticized his dating habits.

Hyunjin decided he had to put an end to it all.

An end to his abominable dating, an end to his prideful tendencies to not admit or confront the truth, an end to his cowardice. The decision was easy, acting upon it was the harder part of the process. How the fuck was he supposed to tell Felix “oh, hey, I’m sorry for thinking you were gonna break Changbin’s heart because I’m actually the heartbreaker!”

His phone dinged before he tumbled down further into the spiral of negativity.

**seungminnie (10:37 P.M.)**

Hey

Are we still on for sunday ?

It’s fine if you’re busy

**hyunjinnie (10:40 P.M.)**

we’re still on for sunday (:

do you want me to buy the tickets for the amusement park ??

**seungminnie (10:42 P.M.)**

sure !

**hyunjinnie (10:45 P.M.)**

are you busy rn ??

**seungminnie (10:46 P.M.)**

Not particularly

What’s up ?

**hyunjinnie (10: 46 P.M.)**

the sky

but fr

I messed up bigtime,,,,

I got into a fight with felix ):

**seungminnie (10:50 P.M.)**

Omw with ice cream and the entire twilight series

**hyunjinnie (10:51 P.M.)**

,,, but

i don’t like twilight

**seungminnie (10:58 P.M.)**

Exactly

Now open the door, bighead

Hyunjin dragged himself over to the doorway. When he finally unlocked it, there stood Seungmin with a bin of ice cream and the whole _Twilight_ series. Hyunjin smiled in relief.

“I’m gonna give advice as a friend,” Seungmin said while setting up the film,”and not as a lover. So, what happened?”

Hyunjin paused on, chocolate ice cream halfway to his mouth. “Well, it’s a long story. You might wanna sit down.”

Seungmin nodded and sat down. “Go on.”

“Well… uh, basically Felix is going on a date with Changbin. I don’t know why… but—I just reacted badly? I called him so many bad things―I’m really the worst. I said I was worried that he was gonna break Changbin’s heart. Which is stupid because like―I’m the one that goes breaking people’s hearts, intentionally or not. And I said that he was jealous of me because he had no love life, which is just _dumb_ because why the fuck would someone want my messed-up love life? But I feel like he was in the wrong too? Y’know how I always talk about finding The One?” Hyunjin paused to wait for a response from Seungmin.

“Uh-huh.”

“Yeah, well―well he said he was sick of it. But that doesn’t―I just don’t get it? Because he’s the one who told me to go to him if I had any problems or to just get stuff off my chest. I know that I talked about this a lot but still. He also said I only cared about myself and my love life. Is that true?”

“It’s not.”

“So... now I’m just confused and my mind hurts. Ugh. Got anything to say?”

“Your two brain cells really are working hard―hey!” Seungmin rubbed at the spot on his head where Hyunjin playfully wacked him. “But seriously… you heard what you said, right?”

Hyunjin nodded slowly. “Yeah, and?”

“There was like… no reason for you to blow up in his face about his date. I don’t know what exactly happened, but just let him cool down about it. Give him space. It’ll probably blow over anyway, it always does when it’s you two. You guys can’t remain mad at each other for more than a week. Besides, we got that chemistry project. You guys have to work together at some point.”

“Yeah, you’re right—”

“Of course I am,” Seungmin said smugly, rolling his eyes.

“I’ll give him space. But that doesn’t mean I’m still not mad… even if I have no right to be. Do you think I’m a player?”

“Well… no. You have good intentions, but you date around a whole lot.”

“I know,” Hyunjin sighed, “I’m really trying to settle down. I just feel horrible about it… I’m really pathetic. I spend so much time trying to look for someone else, I don’t realize everyone around me.”

Seungmin smiled. “At least you realized that. So, just apologize to Felix when you calm down.”

Hyunjin averted his eyes and gritted his teeth. “I… can’t.”

“You can’t? Why not?”

“I just―I don’t want him to go on that date with Changbin! I don’t know why. It just feels wrong.”

“Changbin is a good guy,” The other boy pointed out.

Hyunjin dropped his head into his hands. “I know… I don’t know why I feel like―like this. I’m so stupid, ugh.”

Seungmin remained placid for some time before responding, “Maybe you just need to cool off and stop overthinking it. Just―just give him space, okay?”

Yeah,” Hyunjin sighed, “okay.”

The rest of the night remained somber as Twilight played on the TV screen. The ice cream was stuffed into the freezer as Hyunjin had lost his appetite. The pair were cuddling with blankets wrapped around their bodies. Hyunjin faintly remembered the voices of Bella and Edward arguing about who knows what and Seungmin’s steady breathing serenely pulling him to sleep.

 

-

 

Felix and Hyunjin fixedly ignored each other for the whole week. Since they were always together or knew exactly where the other was when they weren’t, it was easy to avoid one another. Felix stopped going in for lunch in the student council room, choosing to go the library and “study some more”. Hyunjin insisted on staying ten minutes after school to “check on student council stuff” so he wouldn’t be biking near Felix on the way home. They videocalled their friends at separate times to work on the chemistry project.

“This fucking sucks,” Jisung commented to Seungmin and Jeongin as Hyunjin sat alone at a desk in the student council room, buried alive in various forms and papers.

Jeongin looked up from his battle with his math textbook to reply, “You don’t say.”

“The project is never gonna get anywhere. I mean it is, but I just want them to make up. They’re so insufferable when they’re mad at each other,” grumbled Jisung.

Seungmin hummed in response. “Well, Hyunjin and I are going to the new amusement park that’s opening on Sunday. Maybe he’ll cool off then? He just seems really contemplative, I don’t wanna disturb him.”

Jeongin frowned. “You’re his boyfriend. It’s your _job_ to disturb him.”

“Well… I think he just needs time to think or something. I don’t really know.”

“I’m ready to flip a table at both of them right now. They’re so immature when they fight, seriously.” Jisung stuck his tongue out at Hyunjin when the boy glanced up from his work. Hyunjin rolled his eyes.

“You sure you’re not the immature one here?”

“Shut up, Seungmin.”

 

-

  


Sunday came in a flash. Hyunjin had been so consumed in what happened a few days ago that he had forgotten all about the date.

Some boyfriend he was.

He had made himself swear to make it up to Seungmin. Seungmin didn’t deserve this treatment, he was one of Hyunjin’s closest friends and now, boyfriend. Deciding to go all out, he arrived on Seungmin’s doorstep with a banquet of roses and caramel chocolates, dressed better than what he usually wore (“hip hop junk” Jeongin called his style, Hyunjin liked to call it fashion). Seungmin seemed pleasantly surprised, expression glowing with glee. The delighted boy carefully placed the roses in a vase with water and set the chocolates on the kitchen counter. Then, they headed out.

The new theme park was nearby so the pair decided to enjoy the breeze and stroll together. It was a comfortable, peaceful sort of silence, the one that Hyunjin liked to indulge himself in periodically when his life became too much. For some reason, his life did feel like too much as of now. One miniscule argument with his best friend had dominated his head for almost a week now, he already knew how pathetic he was, but this was a new low.

“Hey, are you… alright?” Seungmin inquired cautiously, voice soft, placing a gentle hand on Hyunjin’s shoulder.

Hyunjin layed a hand over the one Seungmin had on his shoulder. “...Yes.” He slowly removed Seungmin’s hand to link their fingers together.

They arrived at the establishment. After the agonizingly long (not really) process of getting inside, the two fell into an amiable conversation, holding hands the entire way. The date was going along superb, splendid, stupendous even…

… until the pair found a certain dark haired and blond haired duo lined up in front of them to ride on the rollercoaster.

“Felix? Changbin?”

The pair turned around and faced Hyunjin and Seungmin. Changbin’s mouth opened into an “o” in surprise while Felix remained stone-faced and directed his eyes elsewhere.

“Didn’t expect to see you guys here,” Changbin observed, eyes locking on the other couple’s tightly clasped hands.

Hyunjin ran a hand through his messy hair before replying with a bitter edge in his tone, “Same here.”

Felix bit his lower lip and whispered to Changbin not so quietly, “I’m allergic to idiots named Hwang Hyunjin, so let’s go.”

Hyunjin felt Seungmin’s hand on his arm as he angrily asked, “What’s your problem?”

“Your attitude? Your face? Your being? I don’t wanna see you, leave me alone.” Felix made a move to step out of line, but Hyunjin blocked him, grabbing on Felix’s wrist (not like one of those cheesy kdramas because they didn’t like each other like _that_ , after all this was just silly, drawn-out argument) and making Seungmin’s hand fall from its place on his arm.

Changbin’s eyebrow raised, Hyunjin wondered if it was in amusement or disbelief. “You can’t just say that and expect me to let you go!”

Felix tried to tug his wrist away from Hyunjin’s secure grip and gritted through his teeth, “Look. I already told you to leave me alone. If this meeting was a coincidence, fine. _You_ , on the other hand, acting out in a public area and dragging me into this, not so fine. Let go.”

“You were the one that called me an idiot—”

“I never explicitly said ‘you’re an idiot’—”

“—and provoked me to act out. You know I don’t take insults lightly and you took advantage of that. That’s low.”

“Oh, so now I have to change my actions to match your needs? I think the fuck not. You’re so self-centered, ugh. No wonder you’re making a huge deal about this.”

“Guys,” interrupted Seungmin, “you’re drawing a crowd. And holding the line back.” Hyunjin looked around and glared at the people who were staring. The meager crowd dispersed. Using the moment Hyunjin let down his guard, Felix yanked his wrist away from Hyunjin. They had been left behind by their respective dates, who had chosen to talk to one another instead, refusing to deal with the other pair’s toxicity. Felix strided ahead, taking larger steps than usual to get away from Hyunjin.

Hyunjin quickly caught up. After all, he did have longer legs than the Australian boy.

“You started it! You said you were ‘allergic to idiots’ or whatever.”

“Yeah, and? You could’ve chose to not say anything because I did say I was leaving. So, it was your choice to argue back,” Felix quipped.

“Why’re you being so immature right now?”

“You started it, that day when you basically said I’m gonna be a whore or hoe or whatever.”

“I did _not_ say that,” hissed Hyunjin, “I said that you might break Changbin’s heart and I was wrong, okay?”

“Okay, you’re wrong! And?”

“And what? You’re not gonna admit your wrongdoings either?”

“Wrongdoings? If I remember correctly, you were the one to blow up in my face about my date with Changbin, and then you say I was jealous of your pitiful love life? Like hell I would be,” scoffed Felix.

“I admitted my mistakes, but you won’t admit yours? Seriously? That’s a new level of low, even for you, Felix. I knew you were stubborn, but I didn’t think you were this stubborn.”

“Well, you thought wrong. Leave me alone, the damage of what you said is already done. Thanks—for nothing.”

“Fine!”

However, by the time they had stopped arguing, they were next in line for the ride. Panicking, both of them turned to their respective partners. Seungmin shrugged, Changbin mouthed sorry.

“Greeeeaaaattttt,” the pair mumbled. They were forced to ride side by side.

After the heavy tension on the rollercoaster, they made their separate ways to their dates. Felix missed the way Hyunjin had reached out a hand only to clench it into a fist and return it back to his side, Hyunjin missed the way Felix stared at his back until he was out of sight.

That was the last time they talked. For the rest of month and continuing to the next month, the once inseparable duo were always seen the farthest away from each other. Of course Felix still periodically hung out with them (not during lunch), but he frequented the library almost daily. Which was freaky for the rest of the group because Felix never went to the library and never studied during breaks. Which wasn’t to say he wasn’t a hard worker, but he was not one to uptight about studying.

Felix wasn’t a loner per say, but he was attached to his one group of friends like any hormonal teenager would be. Sure, he had other acquaintances, he could even say Eric was his friend, but Eric had his own group of friends (which even included some college students), and Felix had his own. He knew very well he couldn’t just waltz into the student council room without facing Hyunjin and ultimately, his feelings for said boy he was evading.

On the other hand, Hyunjin drowned himself in the sea of schoolwork and student council work for the senior ball in a couple of days and club activities. He was either poking his nose into a textbook or talking with Seungmin, Jeongin, or Jisung. Anyone who had seen Felix and Hyunjin’s ‘interaction’ (it could hardly be called interaction because they barely looked at each other) could see that the two obviously missed one another but were too stubborn to admit anything.

 

-

 

Okay, so Hyunjin wasn’t the best boyfriend, and he knew that. But why did Seungmin want to break up in the student council room after school? It’d barely been a month since Seungmin asked him out and nothing was wrong with their relationship? Or so he thought, at least.

“Hyunjin, I’m really sorry about this, but you need to listen to me.”

“It’s―it’s okay. Seriously. I know I wasn’t good to you. I’m so sorry, you don’t deserve—”

Seungmin interrupted, “I said to listen. Listen, okay?”

Hyunjin nodded. “Okay.”

‘I did not break up with you because you were a bad boyfriend. You’d be a great boyfriend even, but not to me. This whole time, during school or during student council or during club activities, your mind’s been on something else—someone else. You’ve been distracted for so long everytime I talk to you or try to get closer to you.”

Hyunjin opened his mouth to argue, but Seungmin silenced him by placing a finger on his lips.

“For you, it’s always been Felix. I’m sure you’ve realized it by now. I, myself, have realized it. You’re in love with Felix. You may not admit it, but what you’re feeling is surely love. I don’t even know how long you’ve been in love with him, but it must’ve been for so _so_ long. The way you look at him, the way you long for him, the way you talk to him―I could never compete. It was a defeat from the start, the battle against myself.” Seungmin started getting teary eyed, pausing to wipe his tears on the tissue Hyunjin silently offered.

“It was stupid of me—so stupid of me to even think I stood a chance. I was being selfish, I know. I just wanted you for myself for just a moment. But the pain of not being the one you looked at… it shifted to the pain of being the one you looked at… with someone else in your thoughts. It hurt more than I ever imagined it would. The ache of longing is stronger when the person is nearer, no? I tried… I really tried to make myself believe that one day―we could be something more. It was a poor attempt. I should’ve never done this.” At this point, Seungmin was choking over his voice. Hyunjin was at a loss.

Shakily, Seungmin ended his declaration, “I just―I just wanted to say that. I want you to realize that you’re in love with Felix and that you have been for the past years. The things you do for him… the jealousy you showed when he went on a date… for all it’s worth, I just want you to be happy. In order for you to be happy, you need to know that… because you can’t admit it to yourself.”

The boy wiped his tears away and walked over to his bag. As if he awoke from a long stupor, Hyunjin grabbed his arm and pulled Seungmin close. Seungmin realized Hyunjin was crying.

“Thank you. I’m―I’m so sorry.” Hyunjin’s voice broke into a series of sobs. He held onto Seungmin, as if he was conveying his words of gratitude and sorrow through the way his arms were tightly wrapped around the boy. Seungmin smiled back, sadly, and hugged him back. They swayed slightly, rocking back and forth, losing track of time until Seungmin tearfully pushed Hyunjin away.

“Go to Felix.” He patted Hyunjin on the shoulder reassuringly before walking out the door.

“Yeah… I need to go to him,” Hyunjin muttered to himself a while after Seungmin left. His legs made no movement to _go_. He wiped the wetness from his cheeks with the back of hand and sighed deeply.

Easier said than done.

He knew―he knew how much he had fucked up. He needed to tell Felix so many things, he didn’t even know where to start. Was it freshman year, when they had both met each other for the first time? Or was it the summer of sophomore year, when the two boys had sauntered to typical teenage pool party and almost had their first (drunk) kiss―with one another? Or had it been several weeks ago, when Hyunjin was angry at Felix for going on a date with Changbin?

He didn’t know.

What he did know though, was that he loved Felix. Seungmin was right, he had been scared of admitting it, for so long. Had he wanted to get a reaction out of Felix by constantly mentioning The One? Maybe so. If Felix even had liked him back, any fragment of romantic attraction toward Hyunjin had surely disintegrated when Hyunjin exploded in Felix’s face. He had bared his ugly, his horrendous, his jealous side. Surely, Felix would never like him back.

But Hyunjin couldn’t stand the idea of letting his feelings go wandering again. Felix was special. He placed Felix on such a high pedestal so that he couldn’t reach the boy. The reminder of how Hyunjin was so―so undeserving of Felix clouded his judgement. Was he really fit to confess to Felix? After putting the boy through all that trouble for who knows how long? Probably, no, definitely not.

Hyunjin was a coward. He was scared. And what was worse, he wasn’t even sure of what he was scared of. Was he scared of Felix rejecting him? Was he scared of himself, how he might hurt Felix again with brash words? Was he scared of the future, of what laid ahead for the two teenage boys? He wasn’t sure. Hyunjin knew one thing, the one thing that mattered. He was deeply, profoundly, extremely enamoured by Felix.

Yeah, Hyunjin had fallen and he couldn’t get up.

 _Fuck it_ , the boy thought and grabbed his backpack and hoodie. So what, he feared rejection. So what, he committed grave errors. So what, he was a stubborn asshole who played with other people’s feelings to drill his own deep into the Earth’s core. The feelings he breathed, the emotions coursing through his veins, the need for Felix to just be by his side, he felt it all. One word pounded through his head as he ran down the stairs of the school, through the empty hallways of the school, across the vacant parking lot.

_Felix._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if u were wondering, hyunjin really just left his bike at school like that


	3. or next to me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> js hyunlix is adorable and such an underrated ship,,, they legit call each other princes they cute asf

Hyunjin had to admit he didn’t really think things through when he scurried off to Felix’s house. Halfway through his run his adrenaline gave way, and he stopped abruptly, panting. He didn’t even have a plan, much less, the right words. The situation the two boys were in wasn’t really doing his feelings any justice either. The silent agreement to not talk to one another was still ongoing, and Felix avoided him like the plague at school. In addition, Felix was probably out enjoying his nice Thursday night on a date with Changbin. How could he be so stupid! Of course, Felix was with Changbin.

The further he walked, the heavier his steps became. His feet dragged on to his destination as his mind fed him excuses, lies, insults, everything negative really to make him not go. His head was overflowing with thoughts of Felix hating him and how his rejection would go and their relationship breaking off.

Scenario One: Felix would open the door with Changbin by his side, flip him off, and make out with Changbin right in front of him to get back at him. Scenario Two: Felix wouldn’t open the door at all. Scenario Three: Changbin would open the door and punch him in the guts. Scenario Four… Five… Six… Seven…. and so on. His brain kept pumping more creative scenes of various ways his rejection would go when he arrived at the doorstep.

It’s not like he hadn’t noticed Felix’s feelings earlier—or at least hints—Hyunjin wasn’t a dense person. At one point, he thought Felix might've liked him. But what of it now? Ignoring that thought, he had pushed on with their normal friendship and banter. The asshole in him really jumped out at that point of their friendship. Afraid of being wrong about Felix’s feelings towards him and bringing an end to their friendship was the reason he fed his worrying mind, but alas it wasn’t the  _ actual _ reason.

Hyunjin was a coward.

He had been afraid of acknowledging Felix’s feelings towards him, or even questioning Felix about said feelings, because he was scared. Scared that Felix actually  _ felt _ those feelings toward himself. Scared that he could lose Felix over these said feelings. Scared that if they did enter a relationship, they would exit with bitterness. In his head, he probably sounded like the protagonist in some sort of romantic drama, but that didn’t make the raw fear he felt from thinking about these things any less true.

Most of all, Hyunjin was frightened of  _ himself. _ He was afraid of doing something wrong, or worse than he already done anyways. He had messed up so much he didn’t even know if they could go back to being friends again. Or at least he thought he messed up a lot in his head, he wished he was overthinking and that they’d be somewhat okay.

Caught up in the mess in his head, he hadn’t noticed he walked past Felix’s house. A familiar voice called out to him, stopping him in his tracks.

“You passed your destination.”

Hyunjin whipped his head towards the sound. He found Changbin in his car with the window rolled down. Changbin’s arm hung out as he motioned towards Felix’s home.

“Well, aren’t you going there?”

Hyunjin paced over to Changbin’s car and stood near the window confused.  _ Why was Changbin outside? And why did he so helpfully point to Felix’s location instead of allowing Hyunjin to walk by like the loser he truly was? _

“Look, I don’t got all day to wait for you two to reconcile.” Changbin rolled his eyes but his voice tinged with  _ hurt _ . The all-too-familiar tone Hyunjin himself carried.

“Wh-Why are you—wait, are you helping…me? And how did you know I’m not with Seungmin anymore?”

“Yes, I’m helping you. I know you guys broke up because why else would you be here?”

“Why are you helping me?”

“Because I can’t  _ stand _ —if you make a ‘but you’re sitting’ joke I won’t hesitate to break your nose—both of you avoiding one another. You guys are damaging your relationship, your very special relationship that may only come once in a lifetime. And lemme tell you something. I’m not a believer of soulmates—‘The One’ as you call it, but I do believe this: both of you hold something so  _ so _ precious and fragile. I don’t know what to call it, but there’s definitely something between you two. You guys obviously care about each other, and the only thing that’s getting in the way of you two is  _ fear _ . Which is dumb as fuck”

Changin paused to take in an exaggerated breath of the air before continuing to talk Hyunjin’s ear off.

“All this  _ ridiculous _ pining and shit… get it over with already. The more you avoid this—this  _ tension _ , the more likely your relationship will eventually sour. Honestly, I don’t even know why you guys are even avoiding each other. All I heard from Felix is that both of you got into a dumb fight because you’re both jealous as fuck. I’m your friend y’know, I’m not here to preach to you about how to live your life and shit. I’m here to give you advice that might be helpful. I think. But if you make Felix cry, I won’t hesitate to beat the shit outta you. Got it?”

He hurriedly nodded in reply. He had been standing outside for about ten minutes, his legs were numb and so was his brain. He would be lying if he said he wasn’t frightened of Changbin. For a small man, he was built as fuck.

“Now shoo. Go get your mans!”

“Wah—wait I thought you were dating Felix?”

“No. He broke up with me after that time we saw you and Seungmin at the amusement park. That was our first and last date. I’m so pitiful, helping my ex get together with my other friend—“

Hyunjin cut him off before he could hurl himself down the tunnel of self insults. “You’re not pitiful, okay? Thank you so much for telling me, like, everything. I owe you, big time.”

“Don’t mention it, kid.”

Hyunjin smiled and waved as Changbin drove off in the night. Filled with some sort of confidence he didn’t have before, he marched up to the front door with determination. He was gonna do it. He was gonna confess to Felix.

As soon as he knocked on the door, panic rushed through his bloodstream. Hyunjin didn’t even know what to say. While he debated between running away or making up an excuse to just leave quickly, the door opened.

“Wah—“

Before Felix could squeak out a word, Hyunjin spoke up.

“Fuck—I have  _ so _ much to say, but I don’t even deserve to be standing at your doorstep. Please—please just hear me out.”

Felix recovered from his initial shock and nodded, left eyebrow slightly raised. Hyunjin’s heart did a somersault. 

“I’ve been the  _ worst _ friend ever. That whole ‘fight’ was so petty of me to start. It was—without a doubt—one hundred percent my fault. I was stupidly jealous of you… getting a date. This sounds so pathetic when I say it aloud, but it’s true. I wanted to be the one you went out with, not anyone else. Fuck, I sound so hypocritical right now. I just—I just had to tell you. I want be the one you held tight at night, the one whose hand you clutch tightly during horror movies, the one who's by your side when you’re having a hard time… I want to be ‘The One’ for you. But I was the one causing you to have a hard time, I was the one who hurt you because of those dumb  _ stupid  _ words. I can’t believe it took Seungmin—who, by the way, broke up with me, and Changbin to knock some sense in me. I can’t express who utterly sorry I am for everything, really.”

Hyunjin paused to look up, his dirty white shoes on the welcome mat were a sore sight for his eyes.

Felix’s mouth was opened slightly, and tears were welling up at the corner of his eyes. Hyunjin wanted nothing more than to just push Felix into a room and punch him in the mouth. With his mouth. Softly.

Nevertheless, he rambled on: “I can’t take back what I said or did before, but I can change the now. Y’know… I was scared of a lot of things. I still am, actually. I was absolutely, positively frightened at the thought of what I’m doing right now. I could never even fathom doing this right now in the past but I really just needed to this. I needed this. I’ve only had eyes for you, Felix. Nobody else but you, Felix. I’m so sorry for realizing this so late. But I had to do this.  _ I want you to be by my side or next to me _ . I want you.”

Hyunjin paused before saying the words that he had been afraid to utter all those years up until this moment. “I know all the pain I’ve caused you is irreversible, I know you have the right to reject me and never speak to me ever again, I know, I know, I know. This is so lame of me to say and probably  _ years _ late, but I love you; I love you, I love you to the moon and back, I love you from the stars and beyond the galaxy. Felix, I am so so  _ so _ in love with you.”

By the time he had finished his little proclamation Felix was full on  _ sobbing _ . Harshly and without control. Felix clung to both of Hyunjin’s arms, tugging the sweatshirt down as his tears streamed down his red cheeks.

_ Changbin really is gonna beat the shit out of me _ , thought Hyunjin as he awkwardly pat Felix’s back.

“You—You’re lying! Say you’re lying!” Felix stared at Hyunjin with those eyes. His eyes were filled with a swirl of emotions. 

Hyunjin couldn’t pick them apart as he stammered in response, “I—I’m not! I really do love you. And I’m sorry.”

“Hyunjin I—I fucking  _ hate _ you right now. I hate you so  _ so _ much. I can’t believe you made me suffer all those years. In wait. In agony. We’re not some sort of high school cliche. We’re not in a romance drama where the two leads run off in the sunset together. We’re just  _ us _ . And because of that, I feel so—just—why couldn’t this all have worked out before? Why did you have to be some sort of  _ playboy _ ? Why did I have to fall for you? Why—why did all this happen just for you to come here?”

“ _ Why didn’t you come to me earlier? _ ” 

“Felix, I—“

“No. Let me continue. I love you, I’ve loved you for three years, and I still do; I waited for you to  _ reject _ me or to tell me to just  _ stop _ —to stop being around you, to stop carrying that cloud of painful pining near you—I hate you—I hate  _ this _ —but I love you; I hate it took so long for all this to just  _ happen _ , I hate that you were with other people, I hate that you knew about my feelings and didn’t say shit, I hate it, but I hate myself more… I didn’t want to confess because I was scared of taking the risk of losing you—you and our friendship. That’s why I didn’t want change, I didn’t want our friendship to change.”

“I don’t even make sense right now. This situation we’re in just sucks so much, why did it have to be this way? I’m just—I love you, okay? I love you.” Felix paused, relieved to get those three words out of his system.

“So, now what?”

“Um,” replied Hyunjin eloquently, “I didn’t plan this far ahead.”

“Of course you didn’t,” Felix choked out before another series of sobs proceeded to rip his throat. “I can’t believe this is happening right now.”

Hyunjin, still at the doorway, tilted Felix’s chin up so their eyes would meet before asking, “Why?”

“Because I’ve waited so long. I’ve waited for you to say something—anything about my feelings. Or your feelings. I honestly thought I could handle the rejection but I didn’t think about receiving a  _ confession _ from you. I have no idea how to handle this. Like emotions and—“ he waved his hand around Hyunjin in a flurry “—you.”

Hyunjin pulled Felix up in a hurry, careful to not hurt the boy, and kicked off his shoes. He proceeded to march up the stairs with Felix in tow, tossing out a quick greeting to Felix’s mom who was at the table eating her dinner with Felix’s dinner half-eaten next to her. She threw him a thumbs up in response.

“Fuck homework, we’re gonna talk all night about  _ everything _ , you hear me?”

Felix wiped his puffy, tear streaked cheeks and nodded.

That night went by as the two shared their stories, their secrets, their feelings, almost everything to one another. Hyunjin quickly texted his parents that he would be staying the night at Felix’s as the night came to a close. Both were worn out, tired from talking, waiting, and just  _ pining _ .

Felix was going on about a video Jeongin sent him when Hyunjin fondly cut him off rambling.

“Sorry—can I just—can I do something?”

“Y-yeah, of course.”

Hyunjin walked over to where Felix was standing. Then he leaned over, their faces so close to one another that their breathes intermingled.

Felix was quick to back the fuck up and cover his mouth, cheeks flushed. He did an awkward leg shuffle until his back hit the wall covered in Twice posters.

“WAITI’MNOTREADYIHAVEN’TBRUSHEDMYTEETHYETANDIDON’TEVENKMOWHOWTOKISS—“

Hyunjin cackled as he choked out, “Omigod, I wasn’t gonna kiss you. I was just gonna hold you. It doesn’t matter if you don’t know how to kiss, you can learn with me as your teacher.” He winked suggestively and then doubled over as Felix kicked him.

“You asshole,” grumbled Felix, trying to hide red face with his tiny hands.

“ _ Your _ asshole.”

Hyunjin grabbed Felix gently and hugged him tightly. Felix did the same. In that moment, they were the only two in the universe and the world orbited around them only. They pressed together so perfectly, as if trying to mold together and become one. Never before had either of them felt so much  _ love _ . Love for someone and love from someone, it was a foreign experience they immersed themselves in.

They stood there for a prolonged period of time until Hyunjin’s legs became numb, making them fall on the bed in a heap of laughter and pure happiness.

“Well, since you’re staying the night, grab a pair of pajamas from my wardrobe and get over here so I can cuddle the fuck out of you.”

“Such aggressive language for a gentle action,” mused Hyunjin.

Felix muttered, “It’s your fault. We could’ve been doing this so long ago so now I’m impatient.”

“You wish is my command, princess,” smirked Hyunjin.

“I hate you.”

“Love you too.”

 

-  
  


 

Hyunjin was still afraid. After all, there are some things one just can’t change. He was still afraid of getting bad grades. He was still afraid of little critters crawling around in his house. He was still afraid of not getting into the university of his dreams. However, with Felix by his side, he wasn’t afraid of other things he feared before. He wasn’t scared of breaking out of toxic friendships. He wasn’t frightened by the prospect of  _ feelings _ . He wasn’t afraid of loving someone wholly and truthfully, without anything holding him back.

Felix still didn’t appreciate change. Change meant accepting the fact that he was gonna have a baby sister. Change meant joining clubs at school to please Hyunjin and his parents. Change meant reforming himself to be better, to make substantial differences in his life that made him a better person—going to the gym, drinking more water, just more self care in general. However, with Hyunjin by his side, he wasn’t afraid to change. He wasn’t afraid of saying “no”. He wasn’t afraid to go out and socialize, to introduce himself as  _ Hyunjin’s boyfriend _ , to be a better person for himself and for others.

They made one another a better person. 

It was a tough journey, a long ride, an endeavor full of treacherous turns and leering monsters. But they made it. Their relationship survived the test of high school drama. They were no protagonists of some movie, they were themselves. Their romance wasn’t one depicted in films, it wasn’t perfect. But it didn’t matter.

Right next to one another, they could take on the world and so much more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> short & sweet (: thank you all so much for reading !!


End file.
